it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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