Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
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My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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