I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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