He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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