I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize