I have demons in me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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