I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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