rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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