"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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