Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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