The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize