strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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