I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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