me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
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You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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