I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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