Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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