just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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