This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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