you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
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I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We smell like vodka and hangover
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