You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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