apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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