Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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