omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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