i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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