I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come see our sink grown plant.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize