I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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