I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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