She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
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The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize