Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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