its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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