I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I can text with my tongue
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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