meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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