Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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