You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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