are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize