Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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