I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
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Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
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Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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