____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Alive.
So much puke
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
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You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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