Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize