apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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