The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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