so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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