Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize