Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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