i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
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We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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