he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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