you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize