I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
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I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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