im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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