You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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